


Birthday Cake

by Willpowerwisps



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders Is A Good Friend, Deceit | Janus Sanders Needs a Hug, Deceit | Janus Sanders-centric, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Guilt, Sympathetic Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Sympathetic Deceit | Janus Sanders, Sympathetic Morality | Patton Sanders, Virgil Sanders (mentioned) - Freeform, extremely self indulgent inclusion of headcanons, graphic depictions of baking, logan is also sympathetic but he hardly appears so i'm not using the tag, logan sanders (brief), mental breakdowns, moralitwins, patton and janus are brothers, platonic loceit (mentioned), platonic logicality (mentioned), split morality
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-03
Updated: 2021-02-03
Packaged: 2021-03-15 03:21:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,047
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29182461
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Willpowerwisps/pseuds/Willpowerwisps
Summary: Janus bakes himself a cake for his birthday
Relationships: Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders & Deceit | Janus Sanders, Deceit | Janus Sanders & Morality | Patton Sanders
Comments: 3
Kudos: 59





	Birthday Cake

When it comes to ‘birthdays’ Janus is more inclined to agree with Logan. As sides of one personality they don’t truly have birthdays. Their birthdays, like the rest of them, were constructs. Closer to anniversaries than actual birthdays. No real reason to celebrate.

~~ No reason to get all depressed and angsty when one spends it alone. ~~

February 3rd, the anniversary of when Janus started appearing in Thomas’s videos. The anniversary of when the man first became aware of the deceitful side.

This would be his third year celebrating such a date as his ‘birthday’. So, really, it isn’t too much of a shock to the system for it to also be the first year since then that he’s spending February 3rd alone. Two years in a row is hardly a tradition make.

Not like before, celebrating June 6, as close to a real birthday as anything could be for a side. The day he first formed. He remembers it more clearly than a side like Logan, or Virgil would. Because he wasn’t formed over months and years. It had happened rather suddenly, actually.

But there was no need to reminisce over lost childhood. It has been decades (nearly plural). And Janus isn’t about to spend his day sentimental over spilled batter and the sound of bubbling laughter.

Nor will he spend it mourning the loss of hands over his eyes--scratchy material of long sleeves against his nails--that ~~ warm and familiar ~~ obnoxiously flamboyant voice declaring “happy birthday Janny”. Over the reveal of some monstrous cake that absolutely did _ not _ taste delicious anyway.

So what if he and Patton didn’t celebrate the same birthday anymore?

So what if the ‘light’ sides abhorred his existence? (well, with the exception of Logan who insisted he was neutral)

So what if Remus was a bit sour over being used for Janus’s plans?

It is what it is. Janus does not feel sorry, he does not regret anything. He got what he wanted. He got his seat at the table.

Today is a day like any other. Not a birthday.  ~~ His birthday is June 6th ~~ ~~.~~ He doesn’t _ have  _ a birthday.

He doesn’t need to be on good terms with his brother; Patton is willing to work with him and that’s all Janus needs to gain a foothold. He doesn’t need the friendship of the lightsides. Remus will forgive him eventually.

Lies come easily to Janus, always have. He lies to the others, he lies to Thomas, and he lies to himself. He tells himself these lies on a loop the moment he realizes Remus isn’t going to even say ‘hi’ let alone his usual insistent celebration.

(and Janus has always wondered, how the others had so easily forgotten that aspect to Remus; the loyalty, the love. Perhaps his way of showing it was a tad… disgusting. But he had somehow found a way to love Janus for all _ his _ faults.)

Janus lies to himself and insists that it is not at all significant that he’d done something bad enough to drive even Remus away.

At some point he convinces himself he needs cake. That's what’s missing. All this birthday nonsense has given him a craving , that’s all. So what if Remus wasn’t here to make one? Janus could do it on his own. He was an adult, perfectly capable of baking a simple pastry.

He lands on the page in their old cookbook for a ‘funfetti’ cake (a plain vanilla cake recipe with additional instructions scribbled over it in blue crayon) and tells himself he selects it for its simplicity.

It absolutely does  _ not  _ fill him with a hollow longing feeling.

_ “Don’t stir so fast it’s going to--” _

_ The warning does not come nearly soon enough to stop the enthusiastic over-stirring that causes cake batter to splash everywhere. _

_ Patton halts, gives him a lopsided sheepish smile “sorry Jan” _

_ “S’okay Patt. You know what they say; no use in crying over spilt batter.” _

_ “Isn’t it spilt milk?” _

_ “No, i’m certain the saying is _ **_batter.”_ **

When Janus feels his eyes sting he tells himself it’s the sun in his eyes, and he closes the kitchen’s blinds to block out some of the light.

Cakes are simple, really. Straightforward. Eggs, flour, sugar, butter, baking powder.

~~ Rainbow sprinkles. ~~

Sometimes Janus wonders if that’s why he struggles so much with baking, straightforward is against his nature. The batter looks wrong, he can already tell it won’t turn out. But he pours it into a greased cake tin regardless. Because the longer he spends on this endeavor the longer he can pretend that his problem is a lack of cake.

_ “What is that monstrosity?” Janus asks, with exasperated fondness. _

_ “Cake!” Remus declares proudly, as if not sensing the disgust in the other’s tone (or possibly simply preening at it)  _

_ “It looks like something’s already eaten it” _

_ “Aww, thank you Janny!” _

_ “Do I  _ **_have_ ** _ to eat this?” _

_ “Yes” a pause and an eyeroll “Don’t be dramatic snakey, it’s all decoration. It’s a real cake underneath.” _

_ “Thank you Remus” _

_ “Happy birthday Jan” _

Janus decides it’s a bit too pathetic, even in his current state, to watch the cake baking in the oven. So he preoccupies himself with cleaning up the preparations. Slowly, because the sooner he finishes the sooner he has nothing to do and he cannot be left with his thoughts right now.

It doesn’t matter, no matter how he stretches it out, he can’t possibly clean for the entire duration of the cake’s cooking time. So he makes frosting. Something he wasn’t originally planning on bothering doing. But you know what they say about idle hands...well, something or other about the devil.

Mixing frosting is also straightforward. Softened butter, milk, vanilla, confectioner's sugar.

~~ Rainbow sprinkles. ~~

_ “The sprinkles go _ **_on_ ** _ the frosting, not in it.” _

_ “But there’s even more sprinkles if we do it both ways. Besides, it’s our recipe. We can make it however we want right?” _

_ “Careful Patt, you’re turning into a rebel.” _

_ Patton sputters and Janus laughs.  _

The frosting turns out better than the cake, slightly lumpy but speckled with color. Janus covers the bowl with cling wrap and sets it in the fridge while the cake cools on the counter.

Baked, the cake doesn’t look so bad. Although it does fall apart as Janus removes it from the tin. Distantly, he remembers some baking show Thomas watched-while extremely bored and procrastinating- had mentioned to wait for the cake to cool before removing it from the tin. But it’s too late now. He can always plaster the pieces together with frosting later.

No one other than Janus himself is going to see the cake anyway, who cares if it’s ugly as sin?

Janus does have enough sense, however, not to attempt any frosting related reconstruction while the cake is still hot. Cleaning up the mess from making the frosting doesn’t take very long, especially since he can’t clean out the bowl just yet. (he  _ is _ able to clean out the cake tin but due to the baking spray there’s not much to scrub and he’s done in minutes)

_ “Happy birthday,” Logan-still called Curiosity rather than Logic at that time-holds out a poorly wrapped gift, one for each of the twins. One with yellow paper and the other with blue. _

_ Janus briefly considers not opening his at all, even with the lack of skill it’s probably the prettiest gift he’s ever seen. _

_ But Patton rips into his and soon Janus gives in as well. _

_ “Thank you Lo,” Patton jumps with excitement and wraps his arms around the Curious side. Janus repeats the sentiment, with only marginally less enthusiasm. _

_ It’s just the three of them for right now. A happy little family on June 6th. _

Patton would have celebrated his birthday on January 15th this year, Janus’s mind supplies without permission and without warning, just as he had for the past five years. He wonders, before he can stop himself from doing so, if Patton ever feels the same sense of wrongness on January 15th as Janus feels on February 3rd.

Unlikely. Patton seemed perfectly content to forget that he has a twin.

That was their long standing lie. One that still joined them together as equal participants. Patton was morality and Janus was deceit and that was that. Nothing more to see here folks. Move right along.

He doesn’t know how much time has passed, and the cake on the counter is still warm to the touch, but Janus figures that not losing his sanity further is worth some melted frosting; so he starts piling it on anyway. When it melts and slides off he just layers more on.

The benefit to this-objectively awful-approach is that it requires three times the amount of time than frosting a cake like a competent person would. As far as Janus is concerned, the more wasted time the better. The closer the clock ticks to February 4th the closer he is to being relieved from his not-birthday.

No amount of decorations can save the cake at this point, but Janus tops it with more rainbow sprinkles anyway.  ~~ Because it’s what Patton would have done. ~~ Because it’s something to do to take up a little more time.

When it’s finished, though; when Janus has cut himself a piece, setting it on the counter; it doesn’t get tasted. Ofcourse, Janus had known from the beginning that he wasn’t really craving cake. That he didn’t even particularly like sweets, and the only reason he associated cake with birthdays was because people always insisted he partake.

And it wasn’t cake that made those moments sweet.

It’s a good thing he’s alone, Janus tells himself, when he stares at the drooping, crumbling cake and thinks ‘well isn’t that just a metaphor for my entire existence’ and can no longer hold back tears.

_ So much for Patton being the cry baby. _

“Oh”

The sudden sound of someone else’s voice most certainly does  _ not _ make Janus jump. 

Patton looks a bit awkward, clutching a plate with an equally disastrous looking cake on top. White with rainbow sprinkles. Funfetti. Janus has just enough awareness to flush with embarrassment and wipe the tears from his cheeks.

He clears his throat and straightens his cape slightly. “Can I help you?”

Patton opens his mouth to say something, then closes it again. He appears to be thinking really hard about something and Janus is about to say something about not needing pity when Patton finally speaks;

“I miss spending our birthday together.”

“It’s not our birthday,” comes Janus’s immediate reply.

“I know.” Patton replies.

They stare at each other a moment longer before Janus motions for Patton to take a seat at the counter. The father figure does, and the reptilian side slides his untouched piece of cake towards the other. Patton gives him a slice of his own cake, and both twins eat in silence for a moment.

Janus cuts through the silence this time, with a sly grin “Patt, this is the worst cake I’ve ever tasted.”

“Really? Because I think yours is pretty good,” Patton replies. “In fact, I think it’s maybe the best cake i’ve ever had.”

Janus gives him a skeptical look, but digs his fork into the remains of the cake he baked to taste it. The frosting is grainy and off-putting and the cake is crumbly and dry and he barely avoids coughing afterwards. “You’re getting better at lying.”

“I learned from the best,” Patton jokes back. “But I mean it. I think it’s the best cake i’ve ever had. It tastes like...not being alone anymore.”

“That’s a lot to put on a cake.” Janus retorts. He’s never been especially good with sentimentality.

Patton just shrugs in response.

“Hey Patt?”

“Yeah Jan?”

“On June 6th let’s just order a cake.”

Patton gives a snort-laugh hybrid. “Yeah, that’s probably for the best.”

\-----

When Janus knocks he’s somewhat surprised he even gets an answer. He supposes it shouldn’t be surprising, Remus may be mad at him but he’s not cruel. Still, the creative side glares at him. 

“What?”

Janus holds the road-kill esque funfetti cake out to Remus. His best friend. “I’m sorry, Re. I…”

He’s not good with apologies, either, but apparently, that’s enough; because he’s pulled into an immediate-sticky-hug.

“Happy birthday Janny.”

**Author's Note:**

> If you're wondering 'what the heck is moralitwins' it's a theory/headcanon of mine that Janus and Patton are both morality and were split like creativity was. You can read more here:  
> https://docs.google.com/document/d/1KS9Jxq45tnlqfRBOe3F_tbz0FghzydlPT4iJGdwxB74/edit?usp=sharing


End file.
